It looks like I somehow lost the first two blog posts I wrote yesterday which is not a huge loss because neither said anything very profound.
Initially, I wanted to have a blog about cooking and my thoughts on all things connected to this, including weight, being a vegan, parenting teens and being the wife of a man I highly suspect has Asperger’s. You may ask how cooking and Aspergers go together but if I succeed in getting this blog going, you will see how it does.
To be honest, I cannot totally recall what I wrote on the first lost post but the second one was about a friend that drove me nuts for 7 years, decided I was not good enough to be in her life whereby she tore me apart in front of my daughter and then was this ghost that I feared for the next two years because we live in the same neighbourhood. Suddenly, last week, I get a Twitter whatever you call it from her which said this and I quote: miss u 🙂 xo. I was in shock because I had finally made my peace with all of it and was even at the point where I no longer feared a random siting….this was not fair; it muddied the waters but on the other hand, I decided it was a chance to at least have a civil situation in case I did bump into her somewhere, so I responded thus: think about you and hope you are well 🙂
A few days later, she wished me a happy Hanukkah which was later followed by similar tweets and cutsie photos which I remembered that she was a great fan of, to which I responded with you toos because I was still perplexed. It felt and feels weird and I don’t trust it or her. And I am hoping that it all goes away. I don’t want her in my life but I don’t want acrimony either.
After we parted company, she became a hardcore vegan/animal rights person which I find ironic since she was such an advocate of eating meat and treated her pets horribly, but I guess everyone is entitled to their various and sundry epiphanies. I have spent too much time pondering what her angle is because I always felt so emotionally abused by her not to mention the fact that I always felt like the ugly step-sister standing in her shadow, even when I could muster feeling good about myself, so I have to say that the thought of going back to that space is not at all appealing. I forgot to mention that she is a personal trainer and her entire life revolves around promoting the body beautiful. Initially I was okay with it until it started to drive me crazy which I guess says a lot about me; I should not have not let it bother me but alas it did.
The best I wish for is simply peace between us. I suffered a lot in the wake of knowing her and my summary dismissal from her life. . Perhaps I was stupid to even respond in the first place but I needed closure in the form of not fearing the day that I had to face her and I guess I also want to believe that perhaps she has changed. It is just easier to live with and if the rest ends up being silence, then it will be certainly golden.